M: Why do you guys go on printing stuff that it takes a dictionary and aspirin to read? Just look at MIGHTY MUSCLE they still put in the same stories they had in the first issue. Nobody reads them much anyway-they sort of lace up the pictures. If you change over to health and good physique you can fire all those expensive cornball writers and just crib stuff out of medical books. (Musclebound picks up a copy of ONCE which is lying on Plume's desk and flips through it. He finds a title, places a forefinger the diameter of a garden hose on one line and traces out the words with his lips. Plume has furtively taken the top letter off his corrspondence pile and begun reading. He hastily replaces it as Musclebound starts in again.)

M: Lookey here! "The Lawyer Reports"-something else you could toss out! You don't need a lawyer to prove you got a right to be healthy. Trade the lawyer in for a doctor. (He leans over and thumps Plume resoundingly on the chest.) You ever read "Dr. Hjalmar Slushpump's Advice To Young Men" in MIGHTY MUSCLE? For a guy got his degree over in one of them foreign countries, the Doc's sure up on his health. Maybe he'd write stuff for you.

P: (Visibly shaken.) Well, you see, I think your advice is very good, but we just don't have enough money to do all those things. But thank you for all your help and-

M: Jeez! that's what I've been trying to get across to you. Take a lookhere's how John Barbell makes his dough. (He pulls a copy of MIGHTY MUSCLE from his coat pocket and folds it to a back page. Passes to Plume, who takes it in the manner of one receiving a wet diaper.)

P: (Reading aloud.) WHIFF-The Manly Fragrance For Those Who Work Out-Giant economy size: Five Dollars. SQUEEZE PLAY-Best Pimple Remover You Can Buy. DR. SLUSHPUMP'S FORMULA-Weightlifters' Muscle Food With Natural Bran, Sodium Chloride and Other Healthy Minerals. (Plume, a copy desk man at heart, perfunctorily pencils out "Healthy" and adds "Healthful" before returning magazine.) I'm afraid these wouldn't exactly meet our readers' needs.

M: Well, if they like to read so much, how about something like John Barbell's Five Foot Shelf of Sex Classics? Your writers could put out something like that. And don't forget model catalogues. Just line up the boys at the gym and I bet Pierre would throw in a plaster pedestal and a couple spears for free.

P: Well, thank you very much, Mr. Musclebound. I'll talk to the staff about all these excellent ideas.

M: I sure wish you luck. I'm straight as a weight bar myself, you know, but I can figure how you guys feel. We have to stay away from women too-they spoil your training worse than anything. If you spoil your training, you're dead. But like I said: work out with the boys, eat good, sleep good, and stay away from women-it's a great life.

P: Exactly.

M: Say, if you get the chance, take a look at next month's MIGHTY MUSCLE. Me and Albion Simple, he's Mr. Expanding Universe, we're on the cover in a real good wrestling pose. Quite a lad, Alb! (Musclebound throws back his head, extends his arms in an Atlas pose, and rotates his shoulders a few times a look of complete bliss on his face.)

P: Thank you for all your help, Mr. Musclebound. And come in again sometime. (He walks around desk and, finding that he can flex his hand, takes Musclebound's still-rotating arm and firmly escorts him to the door.) Well, goodbye. M: Well, goodbye: And pleased to meetcha.

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